It’s been a year since I said goodbye to my Mom. About a month after she passed we would gather with friends and family and I would share my thoughts, both personal and those I collected, with her friends and family. In remembrance and to honor her this week, I thought I’d share the eulogy I presented. I miss you Mom, every day.
Over these last few weeks, I’ve been given the gift of rediscovering my mom in familiar ways and unfamiliar ways. I’ve looked through hundreds of pictures, read letters, newspaper clippings, and short stories that she wrote. I’ve also had the incredible opportunity to talk to many of her friends, and her family. I’ve had the chance to see her through others’ eyes and riffled through countless images that carefully place together the mosaic of her life.
In Mom’s final years she was deeply loved and cared for by her husband, Frank. We know how special their love story was and I personally have so much respect and gratitude for Frank’s relentless devotion and endless love for Mom. He always saw HIS wife, HIS love, through the sickness and the changes that were happening. He didn’t waiver.
For me it’s been a slow grieving process from a distance. For many years, I was losing the Mom that I knew and now I’ve lost her again as she left this earth. But this journey to understand her has awakened something beautiful. I feel like I’m getting reacquainted with her and all the lovely ways that so many people saw her and were touched by the shining light that she was.
Here are just some of the ways she’s been described:
Janell would always light up a room. She was confident, competitive, athletic, smart, vibrant, and full of energy. She was more beautiful than pretty and a natural-born salesperson that could sell anything to anyone. She was imaginative but also able to organize and act on her ideas. She was a Daddy’s girl and wanted to be just like her father in many ways. She had an effervescent personality, beautiful laugh, just like her mother, and people gravitated towards her. She intellectually held her own – poised, elegant yet approachable, critical with a purpose, hardworking, honest, responsible as hell, street smart, tough, sometimes intimidating, always sincere, demanding of your best. She wasn’t afraid to try new things and voice her opinion.
She was a natural performer, always singing and almost everyone spoke about her beautiful voice. Her brother Mike, who also shared her love of music, recorded many of her performances in college. Her friend, Margaret, recently sent me a video that Frank took a couple years ago of the two of them singing, “The Seine.”
This was one of the songs they sang frequently when they were Senior Officers in the Lake View Methodist Assembly. She took on this role in her senior year of high school and was joined by 13 other selected leaders from across Texas. Three of these fellow leaders became lifelong friends and a couple of them sit here today.
Which brings me to one of her most talked about qualities: a natural leader. Margaret described her as, “the leader in the group that stood out above all others.” And Linda shared that after meeting Mom in that senior officer’s group she thought she might be in the wrong place. She looked up to Mom with such appreciation as she charted her own leadership journey. Her childhood friends certainly saw her as the leader of all the activities when they were little. She led her whole life, even when she moved into the memory care until at Liberty Heights, where she could be found in the Director’s office taking over and ready to run the place. It was just who she was.
I’ll share a snippet of one of my blog posts from 2020 that sums up how I would describe her: “My Mom is one of the most beautiful people I know. She loves to laugh, she’s intelligent and outgoing, she talks to everyone, and she dances anywhere – even in a movie theater when she feels the music. She leaps up in celebration when she’s excited, she touches people when she talks to them, and she’s been stunning her entire life. When I was little, I would watch her every move. How she entered a room with such confidence and how her smile could change the entire feeling of a situation. People wanted to be near her; they wanted some of what she had to rub off on them and I wanted it to rub off on me.”
One of my favorite things about these last few weeks has been talking to so many of you. I listened to the stories that painted the different pictures of her life. Many of these stories started in Houston, Texas, at No. 3 Asbury Place, which was the home in the picture-perfect neighborhood that she and her brothers, Walter and Mike, would grow up and call home for most of their lives. Mom was the youngest, she was three when they moved into their ALMOST completed home. I think it’s best to hear directly from Mom on this one. Here’s an excerpt from a short story that she wrote in 1993 called “Asbury Place”:
“What a special place…Asbury Place. Such a unique setting in which to grow up… surrounded by other families with growing children our age… living in the woods and encircled by the city.
At Christmas we walked down dirt roads caroling from neighbor to neighbor…stopping to visit and enjoy refreshments at each home. At Halloween, each stop was an adventure as creative parents did their part to contribute to memories never to be lost. For Mother’s Day, all the women and children gathered at the Crew’s house where Uncle Charlie’s camera captured the assembly for prints that could be enjoyed for years to come.
Asbury Place was a place where children could develop lifelong friendships and experience using their creative energies to build forts in the woods out of Christmas trees and produce plays that parents supported by supplying props and showing up to watch.”
And it goes on, but she ends with this:
“Wonderful memories of people and settings come flooding back when I think of Asbury Place. Memories of trees and raccoons…of floods and ice storms… and most importantly…of kind and caring neighbors.” – Janell
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After talking with some of her friends from the neighborhood like Margaret and Vivian, I would learn that my Mom wasn’t just experiencing these moments, but often leading them herself. She was the organizer of Christmas caroling and all the summer plays that she spoke about. As a child, I got to enjoy Asbury place too and spent time with some of the families that nestled in that sweet neighborhood – I can see why she loved it so much and why she stayed forever connected to some of you that sit here today.
Asbury Place was at the center of Mom’s childhood, but the farm also held a special place in her heart. My Uncle Mike shared his stories about the trips to the farm, which was located in Slaton, Texas, about 500 miles from Houston. This is where their dad grew up and they had joyful memories of the time they spent there each summer for two weeks. They always brought their dog, Honey, and loved to hear the stories that were told over and over again but never got old. And then there was the delicious, freshly made peach cobbler that was always a treat.
Mom was a great friend to so many and always made them feel special. Listening to her childhood friends share stories about their continued connection over the years was beautiful. Vivian, Margaret and Julie could pick up right where they left off, no matter how much time had passed. Margaret, Linda and David stayed in touch after their leadership journey ended with the Methodist Assembly, but their friendship journey would continue to this day. And friends like Monika that have stayed by her side and supported Frank over the years – the dinners mattered and the support meant everything. She was a good friend and she had good friends.
My Mom was very close to her brothers Walter and Mike, and with Mike only 18 months older than her, there was a competitive spirit between the two of them. From Asbury Place to Texas Tech, which they both attended, they spent a lot of time together in cars driving back and forth from Lubbock and they continued that connection as time passed, families grew, and locations changed. They were not just siblings, but fast friends and they loved spending hours on the phone talking as adults and supporting one another.
When Mom was in college her dad invented the “Dento-Spray,” which was a water pick that he sold all over the U.S. The entire family, and some of the neighbors, would play a part in the business from design, assembly, marketing, sales to distribution. This business became a very central part of the Pinkston family and even I remember all the parts in the basement in boxes as a little kid. It was all hands-on deck, and everyone had a role to play. I love that one of my Mom’s roles was to model for the brochures and that my brother Mark also became famous for with his sweet baby smile. I hope you’ll check out the photos after the service to see some of the advertisements. This business taught her so much about work ethic, entrepreneurial spirit and team work – it was a gift in so many ways.
My Mom and Dad got married after college and although their marriage ended, I assure you that my brother and I are grateful that we get to be here with you today and celebrate one of lives that would bring us into the world.
Which brings me to Mom… well…her being a mom. For me, my mom has been at the center of my world and it’s easy to recall how loved I felt growing up in a home where the laughter was plentiful, and all feelings were accepted and supported. There are too many memories in 50 years, so I’ll just mention a few.
Many people talk about mom performing and her beautiful voice. For me, the sound of my mom’s voice was more than beautiful, it was healing, it was comfort, and it was pure love. I didn’t realize that she could actually sing. I mean, I knew it sounded pretty but when my mom sang to me and played the guitar – it made everything better and I knew I was in the safest most loving place I would ever be. My brother Mark would inherit the musical talent in our family and my Mom would always say he was a much better guitar player than her.
My Mom taught me how to feel my feelings – all my feelings. She also taught me how to fight, and she taught me how to repair and forgive after a fight. I can honestly say she’s been the only person in the world that I felt completely safe to have a knock-down, drag-out fight with and know she would still be there. We always made up and we always came out stronger and more connected. Even in my final visits when mom would become lucid, she’d find a way to “mother me.” She would hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok, and I would in turn hold her right back and say the same.
But as a mom, there were all the little things too. The haircuts and costume design. The Easter egg hunts and perfect Christmas mornings. Reading in the park and watching the Sound of Music every year. Or the times she’d break me out of school to go see a movie in the middle of the day, these were some of my best memories. My daughter Madison may have gotten her baking and decorating skills from her Nana because my mom made all of our cakes and would decorate them in any way my brother Mark and I requested. But letting us lick the beaters seemed like the biggest win back then. Mark recalls one of his favorite memories when he and Mom rode in a hot air balloon and then indulged in the celebratory tradition of having champagne dumped on their heads.
She was incredibly capable, so being a military wife and stay-home mom probably challenged her because she could’ve been running the world. Thankfully, she was running our world and it created a safe and loving place to learn and grow. When she reentered the workforce after our parents split, I know it was hard, but I also think she found her calling in sales and leadership and thrived in the professional environment.
Her professional career started small but eventually led her to be an entrepreneur and run her own business consulting with many large and small business in the Colorado, helping them with their communication efforts and organizational development. One of the most critical roles in her career journey was as the Vice President of membership at The Chamber of Commerce. I remember visiting her often in her office at the Chamber and feeling so proud to be her daughter. She became highly-networked in Colorado Springs based on this role and with her infectious personality and competence, she was excelling in her career and making important connections along the way. One of those connections would lead her to a love story that would change her life forever. Frank would meet my mom through the Chamber and eventually they would be introduced and start their life together.
I remember when she was dating Frank. He sent her roses once a month for the first year of their relationship and I remember thinking, “a little excessive don’t you think?” I actually appreciated the sentiment and his relentless pursuit. Mom had everyone checking Frank out; her friends and I were both tasked with an assessment, and he obviously passed that hurdle.
They were married in the home that they’d just built and closed on that week. The house was lit up with candles and Mom had strung white twinkle lights all over the deck – it was like a fairy tale. We could all see how much these two truly loved one another. Their storybook romance would continue for 25 years and anyone that knows them knew how much they loved one another, how they enjoyed traveling and how mushy and over the top their affection was for one another. They never cared what anyone else thought – they were genuinely lost in one another’s gaze and loved snuggling together and sharing sweet treats.
You also might know that they would dance anywhere – literally anywhere. I’ve been in malls, grocery stores, movie theaters and in Sears trying to pick out a refrigerator and those two love birds would break out in dance if they heard a song they liked. I loved watching them dance, we all did. Because we could feel the love between them, and we all hoped for that kind of love in our lives. He loved her to the end and danced with her until the very end too.
The last time I caught them on film dancing to the famous Dirty Dancing song, “The Time of My Life.” He looked at her then the same way I saw him look at her the day they married. It was magical. What a gift to experience that kind of love and support for all those years.
I talked to her grandkids about how they remembered their Nana. Madi and Cooper remembered how she would always have balloons for them when they first saw her. If she and Papa were getting off the plane in Baltimore, she would blow them up before meeting us. They would run to her smiling and giggling to get a hug and get their balloon. Madison remembers her singing and the joy she brought into the house. She was playful and engaging and there was a vivid memory after a visit to the zoo in Colorado Springs when we got a peacock feather. Nana would try and balance it on her hand and this would become one of Madison’s favorite things to find every time we visited so that her and Nana could play the balancing game. She could make play out of anything. Liam loved that they came to our house every Christmas and one of his best memories is our family brunch on Christmas day. PB remembers dancing with her on the cruise that she took all of us on as a family.
What I remember most about her was how she spent weeks with me after each one of the kids were born. When I had Madison, I was terrified for her to leave me, and I sobbed uncontrollably when my friend Angela came to take her to the airport. I wanted her to show me how to do this mom thing, I didn’t want her to leave. But she would always make time to come back, sometimes with Frank and sometimes on her own. She loved being with her grandchildren.
She was so many things to so many people and what a gift to know her and to love her. When you look at the woman that she was it was quite simple: she was in search of love and connection and she found it in so many parts of her life, in so many of you. She was stunning and she was talented, and she could take your breath away when she walked in a room. I want to remember her sitting and playing her acoustic guitar, singing from her heart to heal ours. So, I leave you with this: My mom, performing over 50 years ago, a song she wrote. Her brother Mike was wise enough to captured this and now we all get to hear her sing it today…I give you “The Time Will Come”, written and performed by my mom, Janell.
"I got this" 